How Vicious Stole Christmas
by The Freaky Humor
Summary: Since there were no reindeers to guide his sleigh. Vicious took out his birdy to lead the way! Vicious ignored the bird’s protests & complaints & tied a horn to the front of his face. “Giddyup” he said with a whistle And they were off.. Slowly but surely


AN: Yeah It's here!! Merry Christmas you guys!!!!!!

How Vicious Stole Chirstmas

(AN: This takes place after the last episode.. Yeah Spike lived.. Doesn't he always?)

Every hunter on the Bebop liked Christmas a lot.

But Vicious who lived on Jupiter did not.

Vicious HATED CHRISTMAS!!

The whole Christmas Season!

Now please don't ask why, No one quite knows the reason

It maybe because Spike is still alive

It maybe because his Syndicate has died

But I think the most likely reason is that his dick was three times too small.

Since men like to think with their privates

Vicious thought this:

"Perhaps I could ruin Spike's Christmas wish.."

So he stared down at the Bebop and pondered for a few.

To what sort of happy event could Vicious undo.

"I could steal his Viagra! He thought with a sneer

But then in his mind there came an idea.

I could kidnap his whore, while he's unaware

Or kill his fat friend! THE ONE WITH NO HAIR!

But the one idea that trigged his head

The thought of stealing the decorations instead

I'll steal the tree lights and his presents ho! ho!

I'll steal his bamboozel! But not like that you know!

So the demon from hell gathered his plans

And set off to turning them into a trick.

He cut out a Santa suit, but only the top slicker!

That sick bastard would wear not even a knicker!

"This" he said with a sadistic smirk

"Will make Spike's whore fall for me first."

He cut out his hat and pinned on some cotton

Then looked for a reindeer to make his toboggan

But since there were no reindeers to guide his sleigh

That Vicious took out his birdy to lead the way.

His birdy protested and shook his head no

He would not guide a sleigh even for show

But Vicious ignored the bird's protestant complaints

And tied a horn to the front of his face.

"Giddyup" he said with a whistle

And they were off, as fast as a stationed missile

He snuck to the ship, how quiet was he,

He even stuck his head in the fuel engine with ease.

"Since there is no chimney" he said with a snort.

"I will go through this fuel engine and then come forth.

Meanwhile deep in the Bebop

Spike was crowning the treetop

"An angel for the top of this tree"

"But a fallen angel is just what I need"

He turned toward Faye and the too got a-humpin

They fucked and they screwed till the couch went a-bumpin

Vicious had his head in the engine

but couldn't get his shoulders to wedge in

"If Santa can do this then so can I!!"

And with that he was in in a blink of an eye

The ship was all quiet almost a-still

He snuck to the tree to finish his thrill

He stole all the presents, the lightings, the tree.

He even stole the beef for Jet's special treat.

As he was taking the angel from the tree

He heard a small sound a small little "wee"

And too his horror he turned too see

Jet standing there naked, with glee

Hey Santa! You aren't wearing pants and neither am I!

Let's make love. You well muscled guy!

Vicious gasped not knowing what to say

Was this Spike's whore? The one named Faye?

With a slight nod, they went to a-movin'

Bumping and grinding till the couch went a-flewing

Suddenly in the midst of their love

There was a loud scream from Vicious above

Holy shit! You're a guy! I thought you were Faye!

"No came the reply I am Jet, the one with no Toupee"

Vicious took off, but remembered the presents

He stole every bit of the Christmas Décor

Still strangely embarrassed he mistook a man, for the whore.

He squeezed through the fuel engine as fast a snip

Didn't even get anything stuck to his whip

The piled the bags onto the sleigh

Whipped the bird until they were off like slow falling hay.

"I can't believe I did that" He thought with a sigh

"I am not gay, I didn't screw that guy."

By morning he made it to the top of Mt. Schnee

And listened and listened to the sound of no glee

The laugh Vicious cackled was evil by far

It was loud enough to explode a pinto, the car.

"Soon they will wake up!" He said with a sneer

No presents for them! No beef and bell peppers there!

He listened so close that he might've strained his ear

But he did hear a sound, a sound that was near

Something was rocking and swaying no doubt

The moaning and groaning of one couple's couch

"What?" Vicious said with dismay

There was no Chirstmas! No bamboozles!

No Tree-Angels! No presents!! Not even a woozle!

"How can they have sex with all that glee?"

He asked and pondered with his ugly birdy

Suddenly he realized that meant Christmas more

It meant more than presents, Bamboozles, or whores.

So what happened in Jupiter that day?

Well Vicious' heart grew three sizes that day!

And when a heart largens it's a sad thing to say

Men don't live very long this way

Vicious dropped dead but before he died

He realized his heart wasn't the only thing that grew in size.

He looked at his birdy and told it farewell.

"Go down to the Bebop and give back their items

Tell them it was from a man with no pants and no boxers"

With that Vicious died but his death was not in vain

He did keep from the Bebop one little thing,

He kept the beef that was rotten and nasty

To save the poor hunters from eating Jet's specialty.

And this was the Christmas, that Spike had roast birdy.

AN: Thanks guys!! If you thought this was funny you'll really enjoy my fic The Real Screwed Blues: _The Musical _it's three times more laughs!

Merry Christmas-Kwanza-Belated Hanukah-and Ramadan!


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